Who’ll relish and embellish each ounce of grief
In maudlin embrace?
Why, it’s CNN’s Asshat-in-Chief,
Putrescent disgrace, Ms Nancy Grace!

Who regurgitates the noxious daily dirt—
The most sexually-deviant case
Of the loathsome-est pervert?
Hey, it’s the gagbag hag, Ms Nancy Grace!

Her hour isn’t just another slimetime buggery,
It’s a Nobel-Prize-worthy attainment
To have brought to TV primetime thuggery—
The child molester as entertainment

So, in the Louvre or Guggenheim she’s enshrined?
Nope. The CNN sewer’s the place
Seek ye there and ye shall find
Among the slop-sliming slugs, Ms Nancy Grace!

If a cockroach answers
You’re in the right place.

I’ve nurtured the seeds of dastardly deeds
Manipulated multitudinous malodorous maneuvers maladroit
During X-rated exploit
But in my defense let me say
That at the dawn of Judgment Day
What the hey, I’m willing to pay

So, boil me in oil
Grill-mark my butt with charbroil
Peel off my skin
And rub the salt in
Claw my eyes needle-scratch ‘til my retinas detach
Then throw me in the briarpatch
Just don’t make me filibuster Ann Coulter

Bind me in pain
To eternal migraine
Rip out my eyes
And feed ‘em to flies
Apply sleep deprivation and ply my castration
Then throw me in the briarpatch
Just don’t make me filibuster Ann Coulter

It would challenge a horny sailor to muster
Enough bluster in his buster to dust her
So, as I approach the Grim Reaper
I beg, “Reap, don’t make me bleep her”
Better the fate of Gen'ral Custer
Or to surf bare-ass on a fire ant cluster
Than e'er to filibust her

So, if Ye be the vengeful God:
He to judge the wretched clod of sod I’ve trod
Grind my grist to feed the crickets
But just remember, Lord,
I can getcha Lakers tickets
So don’t make me filibuster Ann Coulter